The official rules

How to play Shithead

The short version: Shithead is a shedding card game for two to five players. Each player gets three face-down cards, three face-up cards on top of them, and a hand of three. On your turn, play a card equal to or higher than the top of the pile; if you can't, you pick the pile up. Twos reset the pile, eights are invisible, tens burn the pile, and nines force the next player to play nine or lower. When the deck is gone and your hand is empty you pick up your face-up cards, then play your face-down cards blind. The first player to shed everything wins. The last player holding cards is the shithead. This page is the canonical ruleset of Shithead as maintained by shitheads.co.uk.

These are the Harrogate rules: the game as played in North Yorkshire and codified by Dom Mernock. Like Wensleydale and proper bitter, origin matters. Other counties' versions are catalogued, kindly, in the variants library.

What you need

A standard 52-card deck, no jokers. Two to five players. For six or more, shuffle two decks together and brace yourselves. Aces are high. Twos are low but magic, which we'll get to. Optional extras: a table, a grudge. Suits never matter. Only the numbers do.

Setting up

Deal each player three cards face down in a row. Don't look at them. You will not see them again until the end, when they will betray you.

Deal three cards face up, one on top of each face-down card. Then deal each player a hand of three. The rest of the deck goes face down in the middle as the draw pile.

Before play begins, you may swap any cards in your hand with your own face-up cards. This is the only planning you get, so use it: those face-up cards are coming back to you late in the game, when it matters most.

The player to the dealer's left opens with any card or cards they like. Play proceeds clockwise.

The rules of play

1. On your turn, play a card from your hand onto the pile. It must be equal to or higher than the card on top.
2. You may play two, three or four cards of the same rank together as one turn.
3. If any card in your hand can legally be played, you must play. There is no passing and no tactical sitting-out. This is not bridge.
4. If nothing in your hand can be played, you pick up the entire pile into your hand. Your turn ends. The next player starts a fresh pile with anything they like.
5. While the draw pile lasts, end your turn by drawing back up to three cards in hand. Once the draw pile is gone, it's gone. Mourn briefly and move on.

The magic cards

1. Twos reset. A 2 can be played on anything, and anything can be played on a 2. The count starts again from the floor.
2. Eights are invisible. An 8 can be played on anything and counts as nothing. The next player must beat whatever card sits beneath the 8, however many eights deep it goes. An 8 on an empty pile means the next player can play anything.
3. Tens burn. A 10 can be played on anything. The whole pile, 10 included, is removed from the game entirely. It does not come back. The player who burned goes again on the empty pile. Four of a kind on top of the pile burns it exactly the same way, whether one player lays all four or the fourth lands later to complete the set, and the completer goes again.
4. Nines go lower. A 9 is not magic on the way in: it must be played legally, on a 9 or anything below it. But once it's down, the next player must play a 9 or lower. Magic cards still work, and another 9 passes the problem along to the next player, which is where the fun starts.
5. Sevens do nothing. We know. Some houses make sevens force the next player lower. In the official rules the 7 is simply a card, and we think the game is better for it. If your table disagrees, call it a house rule.

The endgame

1. When the draw pile is exhausted and your hand is empty, pick up your three face-up cards. They are your hand now. This is why the swap at the start mattered.
2. When your hand is empty again, you're on the blind cards. On each of your turns, flip one of your three face-down cards and play it. No peeking, no choosing based on hunches you shouldn't have. We saw that.
3. If the blind card can't legally beat the pile, you pick up the whole pile plus that card, and you must empty your hand again before returning to your remaining blind cards.

Winning, and the other thing

1. Any card can be your last, magic or not. Going out on a burned 10 is considered stylish.
2. The first player to shed everything wins. Play continues without them until only one player holds cards. That player is the shithead.
3. The shithead shuffles and deals the next game. This is the whole punishment and the whole point. Titles are held until lost. Ask anyone still called shithead from Christmas.